Trying to figure out why

I am writing this more as a diary than a blog. Comment if you like, I'm sure I'll read them but that isn't the point of this blog. At least not today.

OK, this is where anyone out there in cyberspace will roll their eyes and stop reading...this IS a diet blog. Sorry but have to put that out there right away.

A few years ago a very dear friend asked me to go to Vegas with her because she was giving a talk at a professional meeting and her mother was dying (and in fact, her mother died while we were in Vegas). Anyway, my friend has always had issues with her weight but when I saw her in Vegas, she was SVELT!!! She looked wonderful and I felt like a whale.

Turns out, this was the best motivation I ever had to lose weight. I'm not hugely fat but (as many women - and men I guess) I've always wanted to be at a healthier (and, let's be honest), more attractive weight. OK, time to get out the facts; 5'8" and 173 lbs.

To get back to my story, when I saw my friend I kept thinking "well, if SHE can do it, so can I". So I joined Weight Watchers. I wasn't working at the time and had plenty of time to go the the meetings and the gym. I initially weighed in at 180lbs and eventually got to 158. I stabilized at 161 which, while not THIN by any means was entirely satisfactory to me.

So, now over 170 for several years now, I'm trying to find that motivation again. Don't know if this blog will do it but gotta try. As a parenthetical note, I did try WW again recently but now I have a fairly demanding job so can only attend certain meetings and I really did not like the group leader.

I've decided to NOT be parenthetical about this WW because it still bugs me. The attitude at the WW meeting I went to was "lets try to figure out how to cheat the system". It seemed that the focus was to try and follow the WW "rules" while eating/drinking as much as possible. It just didn't fit with what I want which is to learn to not WANT to eat/drink as much as possible.

I need a plan. Step by step. Pound by pound.

I need a motivator every day.

I need to think about this some more.

My plan for today is NOT to eat a lot before dinner (and keep the wine drinking down too)

signing off